A Weekend in My Head

I hate weekends....they really do suck. They suck especially since I have decided to turn from my evil ways and start living the Christian life I professed to have so many years ago. And I also hate weekends because the exceptionally evil things that I once did, are the ones I miss the most, and the weekends only allow me to sit and stew about wanting to do those evil things. It does suck. Being good, and obeying God's word sucks....ok, maybe not all of the time, but right now, it sucks for me. OK enough with that.

In my last personal blog I mentioned that I received a really hurtful e-mail from my father. Well, I have then since responded to that e-mail, telling my father that I need to take a step back from him and my stepmother. Over the course of the last couple weeks, I have really seen in myself that I allow people to influence me too quickly and easily. So I have been in the process of weeding those bad influences out of my life. Maybe not forever, but for now, while I am allowing Christ to sit on the throne above my life. And that is the key for any professing, bible-believeing Christian. You cannot allow other people or things, no matter how close you are to them, be Lord over your life. I never got this concept, and I still don't fully, but I am getting there. I have lost some family and some friends. I continue to pray for them, and I miss them.

Saturday afternoon I



picked up the book Crazy Love, by Francis Chan......not only did I pick it up, but I didn't put it down, until I finishied it a few hours later. I highly recommend any believer pick it up as well. Buy it and read it and keep it and share it. It explains our responsibilities as Christ followers, our commandment to completely love one another, and to be completely, madly in Love with God. Here are a couple quotes:

 "We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You've probably heard the expression 'I believe in God, just not organized religion'. I don't think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to live."

"God's definition of what matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love."

"[Y]ou have to stop loving and pursuing Christ in order to sin. When you are pursuing love, running toward Christ, you do not have opportunity to wonder, *Am I doing this right?* or *Did I serve enough this week?* When you are running toward Christ, you are freed up to serve, love, and give thanks without guilt, worry or fear. As long as you are running, you're safe."

This book really had me thinking, the rest of the weekend. How much do we actually reflect Christ in our lives as Christians? Do people look at us and see a Christ followerer? How do we see "Be in the world, not of the world"? What exactly does that look like? Personally, I think Christians make too huge of a deal about looking "weird or odd". Of course we are odd, we are going against the flow. In in all honesty...I think people are looking for the truth. And that's what we need to be....Truthful and honest. We need to stop putting on shows, and start being real. Unbelievers today still respect genuine people and I think that's where it all starts. I love tattoos....unbelievers love tattoos. Does that mean I am sinning because I have tattoos? Does that make me of the world and not just in it? I don't think so at all. Christians and non-Christians have similar likes and dislikes. Build on that....that's how relationships are formed and how trust is built.

Lastly, this really weird dream I had last night. I will tell you about it, and you can tell me what you think it might mean:   First off in the dream my friend Hilary is with me at the hospital, and she is smoking (which in real life she is def. not a smoker) a cigerette in the hospital while pushing me around in a wheelchair. In the dream I am freaking out that I am going to get to work on time. I end up screaming at Hilary for smoking and being irresponsible for smoking in the hospital. She was my ride to work, but she leaves me. I walk out of the hospital and found myself in the parking lot of my high school. I run across the lawn to a childhood's mom's house and tell her I need a ride to work quickly. She was being really slow at getting ready take me, and for some reason my dad shows up in the dream crying asking me why I want to divorce him.......I scream at him about what an awful dad he was and he keeps trying me to put on these clothes on a hanger he keeps holding up in front of my face. Then I wake....WTH is that all about??????



-KM