I think I can describe it....

This is what I FEEL my life is like:

I am a goldfish in a goldfish bowl, that many people are trying to take care of. Stay with me. This will make sense I promise. I am in this goldfish bowl and there are different people trying to figure out how to keep my bowl clean. They each have different ways in which they think the bowl should be cleaned. Because after all, a dirty goldfish bowl ends in certain death, and certainly, they don't want me to die. So a first attempt is made to clean my fish bowl and it becomes crystal clear (enter when I surrendered my life to Christ). But much like our Christian walk, it needs to be maintained and if left unchecked, unmaintained, undiscipled, it will become cloudy once more. So these individuals start scrambling for ways to maintain the clean goldfish bowl. Meanwhile, while I am in this bowl among these people, I am feeling the constant swishing and swirling of the water back and forth, and it is making me sick. I continually look for breaks to jump the bowl and try to make it on my own...to run away, never to be found again. But we all know, a fish cannot live out of water.

This is exactly what my life feels like to me. It is so real. It is painful. I feel trapped. With no escape. And the stubborn part of me keeps fighting, but I have no idea what the hell I am fighting against. For my happiness? Sanity? Peace? Love? For my freedom in the Holy Spirit? For my own personal relationship with my Lord and Savior? It is afterall, mine. My relationship with him. Why do all these other people think they know what is best for me?

I am battle weary, and I am tired.

"Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."
— C.S. Lewis

A Song that has been on my mind again for awhile...Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - The Toll

Well That May Leave a Mark

Hi kids! Not sure if anyone missed me, but I had been in the hospital for few days battling this crazy disease called Crohn's. It takes me longer and longer to bounce back from these visits. That scares me. It takes me to a place where I will never bounce back. I know you must be thinking, "Why would a believer sound so hopeless or faithless." Well the truth is one day, it might be meant that I don't bounce back....THAT is what scares me. ANYWAY....I have bounced backed fairly well, and it will be back to work on Monday. I am in the process of reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and plan on doing my poor interpretation of a "book review" so feel free to chime in at that time with much better insite :-)

Ta for now,

-KM

February 26th

¹Like snow in summer or^(A) rain in harvest,
   so^(B) honor is^(C) not fitting for a fool.
²Like^(D) a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying,
   ^(E) a curse that is causeless does not alight.
^3(F) A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,
   and^(G) a rod for the back of fools.
^4(H) Answer not a fool according to his folly,
   lest you be like him yourself.
^5(I) Answer a fool according to his folly,
   lest he be^(J) wise in his own eyes.
⁶Whoever sends a message by the hand of a fool
   cuts off his own feet and^(K) drinks violence.
⁷Like a lame man’s legs, which hang useless,
   is a proverb in the mouth of fools.
⁸Like one who binds the stone in the sling
   is^(L) one who gives honor to a fool.
⁹Like^(M) a thorn that goes up into the hand of a drunkard
   is a proverb in the mouth of fools.
¹⁰Like an archer who wounds everyone
   is one who hires a passing fool or drunkard.^[a]
11Like^(N) a dog that returns to his vomit
   is^(O) a fool who repeats his folly.
¹²Do you see a man who is^(P) wise in his own eyes?
   ^(Q) There is more hope for a fool than for him.
^13(R) The sluggard says, "There is a lion in the road!
   There is a lion in the streets!"
¹⁴As a door turns on its hinges,
   so does a sluggard on his bed.
^15(S) The sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
   it wears him out to bring it back to his mouth.
¹⁶The sluggard is^(T) wiser in his own eyes
   ^(U) than seven men who can answer sensibly.
¹⁷Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own
   is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.
¹⁸Like a madman who throws^(V) firebrands, arrows, and death ¹⁹is the man who deceives his neighbor
   and says, "I am only joking!"
²⁰For lack of wood the fire goes out,
   and where there is no^(W) whisperer,^(X) quarreling ceases.
²¹As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,
   so is^(Y) a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
^22(Z) The words of^(AA) a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
   they go down into the inner parts of the body.
^23(AB) Like the^(AC) glaze^[b] covering an earthen vessel
   are fervent lips with an evil heart.
²⁴Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips
   and harbors deceit in his heart;
^25(AD) when he speaks graciously, believe him not,
   for there are^(AE) seven abominations in his heart;
²⁶though his hatred be covered with deception,
   his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.
^27(AF) Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,
   and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.
²⁸A lying tongue hates its victims,
   and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Proverbs 16

¹The plans of the heart belong to man,
   but^(A) the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
^2(B) All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
   but the LORD^(C) weighs the spirit.
^3(D) Commit your work to the LORD,
   and your plans will be established.
^4(E) The LORD has made everything for its purpose,
   even^(F) the wicked for the day of trouble.
⁵Everyone who is arrogant in heart is^(G) an abomination to the LORD;
   ^(H) be assured, he will not go unpunished.
⁶By^(I) steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for,
   and by^(J) the fear of the LORD one^(K) turns away from evil.
⁷When a man’s ways please the LORD,
   ^(L) he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
^8(M) Better is a little with righteousness
   than great revenues with injustice.
^9(N) The heart of man plans his way,
   but^(O) the LORD establishes his steps.
^10(P) An oracle is on the lips of a king;
   his mouth does not sin in judgment.
^11(Q) A just balance and scales are the LORD’s;
   all the weights in the bag are his work.
¹²It is an abomination to kings to do evil,
   for^(R) the throne is established by righteousness.
^13(S) Righteous lips are the delight of a king,
   and he loves him who speaks what is right.
^14(T) A king’s wrath is a messenger of death,
   and a wise man will^(U) appease it.
^15(V) In the light of a king’s face there is life,
   and his^(W) favor is like^(X) the clouds that bring the spring rain.
^16(Y) How much better to get wisdom than^(Z) gold!
   To get understanding is to be chosen rather than^(AA) silver.
¹⁷The highway of the upright^(AB) turns aside from evil;
   whoever guards his way preserves his life.
^18(AC) Pride goes before destruction,
   and a haughty spirit before a fall.
^19(AD) It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor
   than to^(AE) divide the spoil with the proud.
²⁰Whoever gives thought to the word^[a](AF) will discover good,
   and blessed is he^(AG) who trusts in the LORD.
²¹The wise of heart is called discerning,
   and sweetness of speech^(AH) increases persuasiveness.
²²Good sense is^(AI) a fountain of life to him who has it,
   but the instruction of fools is folly.
^23(AJ) The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious
   and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
^24(AK) Gracious words are like^(AL) a honeycomb,
   sweetness to the soul and^(AM) health to the body.
²⁵There is a way that seems right to a man,
   but its end is the way to death.^[b]
26A worker’s appetite works for him;
   his^(AN) mouth urges him on.
^27(AO) A worthless man plots evil,
   and his speech^[c] is like^(AP) a scorching fire.
^28(AQ) A dishonest man spreads strife,
   and^(AR) a whisperer^(AS) separates close friends.
²⁹A man of violence^(AT) entices his neighbor
   and leads him in a way that is not good.
³⁰Whoever winks his eyes plans^[d](AU) dishonest things;
   he who^(AV) purses his lips brings evil to pass.
^31(AW) Gray hair is^(AX) a crown of glory;
   it^(AY) is gained in a righteous life.
^32(AZ) Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
   and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
^33(BA) The lot is cast into the lap,
   but its every decision is^(BB) from the LORD.

Proverbs 15

Proverbs 15

 ^1(A) A soft answer turns away wrath,
   but^(B) a harsh word stirs up anger.
²The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
   but^(C) the mouths of fools pour out folly.
^3(D) The eyes of the LORD are in every place,
   keeping watch on the evil and the good.
^4(E) A gentle^[a] tongue is^(F) a tree of life,
   but^(G) perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
^5(H) A fool^(I) despises his father’s instruction,
   but^(J) whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
⁶In the house of the righteous there is much treasure,
   but trouble befalls the income of the wicked.
^7(K) The lips of the wise spread knowledge;
   not so the hearts of fools.^[b]
8(L) The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD,
   but^(M) the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him.
⁹The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD,
   but he loves him^(N) who pursues righteousness.
¹⁰There is^(O) severe discipline for him who forsakes the way;
   ^(P) whoever hates reproof will die.
¹¹Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the LORD;
   how much more^(Q) the hearts of the children of man!
^12(R) A scoffer^(S) does not like to be reproved;
   he will not go to the wise.
^13(T) A glad heart makes a cheerful face,
   but by^(U) sorrow of heart the spirit is^(V) crushed.
^14(W) The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge,
   but the mouths of fools feed on folly.
¹⁵All the days of the afflicted are evil,
   but^(X) the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.
^16(Y) Better is a little with the fear of the LORD
   than great treasure and trouble with it.
^17(Z) Better is a dinner of herbs where love is
   than^(AA) a fattened ox and hatred with it.
^18(AB) A hot-tempered man^(AC) stirs up strife,
   but he who is^(AD) slow to anger quiets contention.
¹⁹The way of^(AE) a sluggard is like a hedge of^(AF) thorns,
   but the path of the upright is^(AG) a level highway.
^20(AH) A wise son makes a glad father,
   but a foolish man despises his mother.
^21(AI) Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
   but a man of understanding^(AJ) walks straight ahead.
^22(AK) Without counsel plans fail,
   but with many advisers they succeed.
²³To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,
   and^(AL) a word in season, how good it is!
²⁴The path of life leads upward^(AM) for the prudent,
   that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.
²⁵The LORD tears down the house of^(AN) the proud
   but^(AO) maintains^(AP) the widow’s boundaries.
^26(AQ) The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD,
   but^(AR) gracious words are pure.
²⁷Whoever is^(AS) greedy for unjust gain^(AT) troubles his own household,
   but he who hates^(AU) bribes will live.
²⁸The heart of the righteous^(AV) ponders how to answer,
   but^(AW) the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
²⁹The LORD is^(AX) far from the wicked,
   but he^(AY) hears the prayer of the righteous.
^30(AZ) The light of the eyes rejoices the heart,
   and^(BA) good news refreshes^[c] the bones.
^31(BB) The ear that listens to^(BC) life-giving reproof
   will dwell among the wise.
³²Whoever^(BD) ignores instruction^(BE) despises himself,
   but he who listens to reproof^(BF) gains intelligence.
^33(BG) The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom,
   and^(BH) humility comes before honor.

This message could possibly save your life.....

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/genesis/the-flood