Proverbs 3

^1(A) My son, do not forget my teaching,
   ^(B) but let your heart keep my commandments,
²for^(C) length of days and years of life
   and^(D) peace they will add to you.
 ³Let not^(E) steadfast love and^(F) faithfulness forsake you;
   ^(G) bind them around your neck;
   ^(H) write them on the tablet of your heart.
⁴So you will^(I) find favor and^(J) good success^[a]
   in the sight of God and man.
 ^5(K) Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
   and^(L) do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶In all your ways^(M) acknowledge him,
   and he^(N) will make straight your paths.
^7(O) Be not wise in your own eyes;
   ^(P) fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
⁸It will be^(Q) healing to your flesh^[b]
   and^(R) refreshment^[c] to your bones.
 ⁹Honor the LORD with your wealth
   and with^(S) the firstfruits of all your produce;
¹⁰then your^(T) barns will be filled with plenty,
   and your vats will be bursting with wine.
 ^11(U) My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline
   or be weary of his reproof,
¹²for the LORD reproves him whom he loves,
   as^(V) a father the son in whom he delights.

Blessed Is the One Who Finds Wisdom

 ^13(W) Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
   and the one who gets understanding,
^14(X) for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
   and her profit better than^(Y) gold.
¹⁵She is more precious than^(Z) jewels,
   and^(AA) nothing you desire can compare with her.
^16(AB) Long life is in her right hand;
   in her left hand are^(AC) riches and honor.
¹⁷Her^(AD) ways are ways of pleasantness,
   and all her paths are peace.
¹⁸She is^(AE) a tree of life to those who^(AF) lay hold of her;
   those who hold her fast are called blessed.
 ^19(AG) The LORD by wisdom founded the earth;
   by understanding he established the heavens;
²⁰by his knowledge^(AH) the deeps broke open,
   and^(AI) the clouds drop down the dew.
 ²¹My son,^(AJ) do not lose sight of these—
   keep sound wisdom and discretion,
²²and they will be^(AK) life for your soul
   and^(AL) adornment for your neck.
^23(AM) Then you will walk on your way securely,
   ^(AN) and your foot will not stumble.
^24(AO) If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
   when you lie down,^(AP) your sleep will be sweet.
^25(AQ) Do not be afraid of sudden terror
   or of^(AR) the ruin^[d] of the wicked, when it comes,
²⁶for the LORD will be your confidence
   and will^(AS) keep your foot from being caught.
^27(AT) Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,^[e]
   when it is in your power to do it.
 ^28(AU) Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come again,
   tomorrow I will give it"—when you have it with you.
^29(AV) Do not plan evil against your neighbor,
   who^(AW) dwells trustingly beside you.
^30(AX) Do not contend with a man for no reason,
   when he has done you no harm.
^31(AY) Do not envy^(AZ) a man of violence
   and do not choose any of his ways,
³²for^(BA) the devious person is an abomination to the LORD,
   but the upright are^(BB) in his confidence.
^33(BC) The LORD’s curse is on the house of the wicked,
   but he^(BD) blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
³⁴Toward the^(BE) scorners he^(BF) is scornful,
   ^(BG) but to the humble he gives favor.^[f]
35The wise will inherit honor,
   but fools get^[g] disgrace.

Not even sure what to title this...

I have been accused of many things, both good and bad, over the last few days. I have been called selfish, unrepentant, in sin, deeply hurtful, someone who is trying to do the right thing, actively studying the word, needing to find true accountability, using facebook for attention, I was told I was pretty, asked for a hug, asked if I was sure, and told that am doing the right things. The past couple days have been confusing. Back to the fish bowl sloshing around. Sunday night I was ready to run. Just pack up the car and go. Had my sister not been with me, I would have.

I have destroyed a man. I know that. I have done unspeakable things. I am a sinful woman and I have deep regret for the life I have lived. In that regret I have turn from those unspeakable things. It is a daily struggle to keep my mind in the clear. A DAILY, moment by moment struggle. I hear a song, I see a person, I hear a saying...it takes me right back there, and I pine for Egypt just like the Israelites. My gut reaction is to shove everyone out of my life and just run to God knowing he is all I need. I have learned that most people who say they don't chose sides........are not being truthful with themselves. How can you not choose sides? I have also come to realize that people are not Prophets and they do not know me as much as they think they do. I am different person. I look at things so much differently. My desires have changed.

I certainly do not have everything figured out. BUT I do know that I am prepared for the consequences of my actions that I do step out on faith on. I have made promises to seek Godly counsel before making decisions, but in the end, they are my decisions.

Feel free to call me out. I have days where I think it was just better when I was lost......

-KM

Proverbs 2

^1(A) My son,^(B) if you receive my words
   and treasure up my commandments with you,
²making your ear attentive to wisdom
   and inclining your heart to understanding;
³yes, if you call out for insight
   and raise your voice^(C) for understanding,
⁴if you seek it like^(D) silver
   and search for it as for^(E) hidden treasures,
⁵then^(F) you will understand the fear of the LORD
   and find the knowledge of God.
⁶For^(G) the LORD gives wisdom;
   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
⁷he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
   he is^(H) a shield to those who^(I) walk in integrity,
⁸guarding the paths of justice
   and^(J) watching over the way of his^(K) saints.
^9(L) Then you will understand^(M) righteousness and justice
   and equity, every good path;
¹⁰for wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
^11(N) discretion will^(O) watch over you,
   understanding will guard you,
¹²delivering you from the way of evil,
   from men of perverted speech,
¹³who forsake the paths of uprightness
   to^(P) walk in the ways of darkness,
¹⁴who^(Q) rejoice in doing evil
   and^(R) delight in the perverseness of evil,
¹⁵men whose^(S) paths are crooked,
   ^(T) and who are^(U) devious in their ways.
 ¹⁶So^(V) you will be delivered from the forbidden^[a] woman,
   from^(W) the adulteress^[b] with^(X) her smooth words,
¹⁷who forsakes^(Y) the companion of her youth
   and forgets^(Z) the covenant of her God;
^18(AA) for her house sinks down to death,
   and her paths to the departed;^[c]
19none who go to her come back,
   nor do they regain the paths of life.
 ²⁰So you will walk in the way of the good
   and keep to the paths of the righteous.
²¹For the upright^(AB) will inhabit the land,
   and those with integrity will remain in it,
²²but the wicked will be^(AC) cut off from the land,
   and the treacherous will be^(AD) rooted out of it.

I think I can describe it....

This is what I FEEL my life is like:

I am a goldfish in a goldfish bowl, that many people are trying to take care of. Stay with me. This will make sense I promise. I am in this goldfish bowl and there are different people trying to figure out how to keep my bowl clean. They each have different ways in which they think the bowl should be cleaned. Because after all, a dirty goldfish bowl ends in certain death, and certainly, they don't want me to die. So a first attempt is made to clean my fish bowl and it becomes crystal clear (enter when I surrendered my life to Christ). But much like our Christian walk, it needs to be maintained and if left unchecked, unmaintained, undiscipled, it will become cloudy once more. So these individuals start scrambling for ways to maintain the clean goldfish bowl. Meanwhile, while I am in this bowl among these people, I am feeling the constant swishing and swirling of the water back and forth, and it is making me sick. I continually look for breaks to jump the bowl and try to make it on my own...to run away, never to be found again. But we all know, a fish cannot live out of water.

This is exactly what my life feels like to me. It is so real. It is painful. I feel trapped. With no escape. And the stubborn part of me keeps fighting, but I have no idea what the hell I am fighting against. For my happiness? Sanity? Peace? Love? For my freedom in the Holy Spirit? For my own personal relationship with my Lord and Savior? It is afterall, mine. My relationship with him. Why do all these other people think they know what is best for me?

I am battle weary, and I am tired.

"Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."
— C.S. Lewis

A Song that has been on my mind again for awhile...Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - The Toll

Well That May Leave a Mark

Hi kids! Not sure if anyone missed me, but I had been in the hospital for few days battling this crazy disease called Crohn's. It takes me longer and longer to bounce back from these visits. That scares me. It takes me to a place where I will never bounce back. I know you must be thinking, "Why would a believer sound so hopeless or faithless." Well the truth is one day, it might be meant that I don't bounce back....THAT is what scares me. ANYWAY....I have bounced backed fairly well, and it will be back to work on Monday. I am in the process of reading "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and plan on doing my poor interpretation of a "book review" so feel free to chime in at that time with much better insite :-)

Ta for now,

-KM

February 26th

¹Like snow in summer or^(A) rain in harvest,
   so^(B) honor is^(C) not fitting for a fool.
²Like^(D) a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying,
   ^(E) a curse that is causeless does not alight.
^3(F) A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,
   and^(G) a rod for the back of fools.
^4(H) Answer not a fool according to his folly,
   lest you be like him yourself.
^5(I) Answer a fool according to his folly,
   lest he be^(J) wise in his own eyes.
⁶Whoever sends a message by the hand of a fool
   cuts off his own feet and^(K) drinks violence.
⁷Like a lame man’s legs, which hang useless,
   is a proverb in the mouth of fools.
⁸Like one who binds the stone in the sling
   is^(L) one who gives honor to a fool.
⁹Like^(M) a thorn that goes up into the hand of a drunkard
   is a proverb in the mouth of fools.
¹⁰Like an archer who wounds everyone
   is one who hires a passing fool or drunkard.^[a]
11Like^(N) a dog that returns to his vomit
   is^(O) a fool who repeats his folly.
¹²Do you see a man who is^(P) wise in his own eyes?
   ^(Q) There is more hope for a fool than for him.
^13(R) The sluggard says, "There is a lion in the road!
   There is a lion in the streets!"
¹⁴As a door turns on its hinges,
   so does a sluggard on his bed.
^15(S) The sluggard buries his hand in the dish;
   it wears him out to bring it back to his mouth.
¹⁶The sluggard is^(T) wiser in his own eyes
   ^(U) than seven men who can answer sensibly.
¹⁷Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own
   is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.
¹⁸Like a madman who throws^(V) firebrands, arrows, and death ¹⁹is the man who deceives his neighbor
   and says, "I am only joking!"
²⁰For lack of wood the fire goes out,
   and where there is no^(W) whisperer,^(X) quarreling ceases.
²¹As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire,
   so is^(Y) a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
^22(Z) The words of^(AA) a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
   they go down into the inner parts of the body.
^23(AB) Like the^(AC) glaze^[b] covering an earthen vessel
   are fervent lips with an evil heart.
²⁴Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips
   and harbors deceit in his heart;
^25(AD) when he speaks graciously, believe him not,
   for there are^(AE) seven abominations in his heart;
²⁶though his hatred be covered with deception,
   his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.
^27(AF) Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,
   and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.
²⁸A lying tongue hates its victims,
   and a flattering mouth works ruin.